How to Know If a Therapist Is Right for You (Questions to Ask During a Consultation)
- Feb 22
- 6 min read
Finding a therapist can feel overwhelming.
You are not just picking a service. You are choosing someone to talk to about potentially vulnerable, complicated, deeply personal parts of your life. OF COURSE you want to know if they are a good fit.
As someone who has both been to therapy and provided therapy for over a decade, I know firsthand that finding the right therapist is not always easy. Insurance, scheduling, personality, style, all of it matters. So yes, finding the right fit can feel like a lot.
If you are wondering how to know if a therapist is right for you, here are some of the most important questions to ask a therapist during a consultation or first session. — along with how I answer them!
Questions About Background and Experience
What qualifications do you have, and how long have you been practicing?
I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a Master’s degree in Education from Old Dominion University, where I specialized in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. I graduated in 2012.
After graduate school, I completed a two-year residency at a long-term residential facility for at-risk teenagers. During that time, I accrued the experience and passed the examination to become independently licensed as a Licensed Professional Counselor.
Since then, I have worked in several settings, a high school, a short-term residential facility for suicidal teenagers, and private practice working with children, teens, and adults.
In 2018, I transitioned primarily to online therapy. At the time, my family was frequently moving states, and telehealth allowed me to continue working with clients no matter where I lived. Because of that, I hold licenses in Virginia, Maryland, Rhode Island, and Texas.
What is your experience working with my concern?
The concerns I most commonly work with are depression, anxiety, self-esteem, and life transitions. That said, those categories are rarely isolated.
When we talk about depression or anxiety, we are also often talking about trauma, relationships, communication, coping strategies, impulsivity, identity, or sex and intimacy. Therapy is rarely just one neat category.
If you are wondering whether I have worked with something specific, the best thing to do is ask directly!
Questions About Therapy Philosophy and Approach
What are your theoretical orientations?
At its core, my orientation is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)- focused.
That means I think about therapy in a structured way — looking at how our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors interact and identifying opportunities for change if someone wants to feel or live differently. Other theories I typically incorporate include expressive arts, feminist, motivational interviewing, and strengths-based techniques.
However, even though CBT is my foundation, sessions with me are rarely rigid or overly structured. Therapy sessions are always person-centered and client-led. Some clients want structured sessions with clear goals and practical strategies. Others want space to explore identity, meaning, or personal growth in a more open-ended way. Even though I conceptualize from a cognitive-behavioral standpoint, what therapy looks like in session can vary widely depending on whom I am working with.
What is your philosophy on therapy?
My philosophy is that therapy should be collaborative.
I am not here to tell you how to think or who to be. I am here to help you explore what is working, what is not working, and what kind of life feels aligned with you. Therapy should feel challenging at times — growth often does — but it should also feel supportive and safe.
Have you done therapy yourself?
Yes, I have!
Personally, I believe therapists benefit from doing their own therapy. We are human. We have blind spots. We have stressors. If a therapist has never sat on the other side of the couch, it can be harder to understand how vulnerable that experience can feel. Frankly, if your therapist hasn’t ever been to therapy, maybe don’t go see that therapist.
I have been to therapy on and off throughout the years. I have struggled like many others to find a therapist who was the right fit for me. That experience is part of why I believe so strongly in encouraging people to ask questions during consultations.
Finding someone you genuinely vibe with matters.
Questions About Identity, Culture, and Values
Do you work with LGBTQ+ clients?
Yes. I am LGBTQ+ affirming. While I am not personally part of the community, I am an ally and have both personal and professional experiences supporting LGBTQ+ clients. It is paramount to me that anyone I work with has a safe space to be authentic and supported.
How do you approach working with someone of my background or culture?
No two people share the exact same experience, even if they come from similar backgrounds. Since I provide online therapy in Virginia, Maryland, Rhode Island, and Texas (and have lived in all of them), I know that even cultural differences between states matter, let alone everything else!
The most important thing I do is ask. I do not want to make assumptions based on my experience, training, or research. Even if there are indicators based on how someone presents, where they are from, and how they see their place in the world, everyone's experience is unique.
Your interpretation of your experiences matters more than my personal and professional experience. Hence why I ask questions!
Questions About Conflict, Fit, and Respect
What if I disagree with you, shut down, or feel stuck?
Disagreement, feeling stuck, or shutting down are normal parts of therapy.
In fact, they can be important moments. Therapy is one of the few spaces where conflict can be explored safely. If I offer a perspective that does not sit right with you, I want you to tell me. I almost encourage disagreement when it happens.
If you feel shut down because something feels overwhelming, we can slow down. We can shift topics. We can regulate before ending the session. Therapy should not feel like being pushed off an emotional cliff.
Do you have limits if a client’s opinions differ from yours?
I have worked with people from a wide range of ages, backgrounds, and belief systems. My goal is not to get anyone to think the way I think. It is to help them build a life that aligns with their own values.
Where I struggle is not with differing opinions or values, but with consistent justification of harming others without a willingness to examine that pattern. Therapy can absolutely hold accountability and growth, but it requires some openness to reflection. Thankfully, I can count on one hand how often that has been a concern in my work.
How do I know if we are a good fit?
If you are trying to figure out how to know if a therapist is right for you, these early conversations matter more than you might think. During a consultation or first session, pay attention to how you feel.
Therapists have different styles. Some are more directive. Some are more reflective. Some are more structured. Some are more exploratory. Some use humor. Some curse.
Trust your gut. If something feels off, that matters.
What if I decide it is not a good fit?
I encourage clients to talk about it.
Sometimes small stylistic adjustments can make a big difference. I am open to feedback and would rather adapt than lose a potentially strong therapeutic relationship.
If it truly is not a good fit, I can help connect you with other providers. There is no benefit to staying in therapy with someone you do not feel comfortable with.
The “Goldilocks Problem”
With people who are therapy experienced, but not with a therapist who was the best fit are, I typically hear one of these two versions:
“All they did was listen; I didn’t get any feedback, direction, or questions.”
OR
“They just kept throwing coping skills at me, and I didn’t feel heard.”
If that has been your experience, let your new therapist (or me lol), know! Therapy is adjustable. I can be more structured if you want to stick to your goals. I can be less structured if you want space to process and unpack. The key is talking about it openly.
How to Know if a Therapist is Right for You
If you are wondering how to know if a therapist is right for you, the answer is not found
solely in credentials, theoretical orientation, or even experience. Those things are important, but the larger factors are found in:
How safe you feel
Whether you feel heard
Whether the therapist’s style aligns with what you need
Whether there is room for disagreement and growth
You are allowed to ask questions. You are allowed to take your time. And you are allowed to choose someone who feels like the right fit.
If you are located in Virginia, Maryland, Rhode Island, or Texas and would like to schedule a consultation, you can reach out through the “Get Started” tab to see if we might be a good fit.
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