How to Know When It's Time to Change Therapists: 10 Signs to Watch For
- Jun 22
- 7 min read
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that finding a therapist is similar to finding a doctor. Many people assume that if a therapist is qualified, licensed, and competent, they should be able to help everyone.
In reality, therapy is a relationship.
A therapist can be skilled, ethical, knowledgeable, and well-trained and still not be the right fit for you. Just as you may connect better with certain teachers, coaches, or mentors, different therapists have different personalities, communication styles, specialties, and approaches.
At the same time, there are situations where concerns go beyond therapeutic fit and cross into ethical or professional territory.
If you've ever wondered, "Should I change therapists?" or "Why isn't therapy working?", you're not alone. Let's talk about the difference between a poor fit, normal challenges that arise in therapy, and genuine red flags that may indicate it's time to find a new therapist.
Is It Normal to Change Therapists?
Yes.
Many people work with more than one therapist throughout their lives. The therapist who helped you navigate a difficult breakup at age 25 may not be the therapist you need while adjusting to parenthood, processing grief, or managing anxiety years later.
Sometimes your needs change. Sometimes your schedule changes. Sometimes your therapist's expertise no longer aligns with what you're looking for.
Changing therapists does not mean therapy failed. It simply means you're looking for the support that best matches your current needs.
Five Reasons It Might Be a Matter of Fit
1. Their Communication Style Doesn't Work for You
There is no universally "correct" way to do therapy.
Some therapists are very direct and frequently challenge clients. Others take a more reflective approach and provide less feedback. Some are highly structured and goal-oriented, while others are more conversational.
Neither approach is inherently better than the other. However, if your therapist's style consistently leaves you frustrated, confused, or disengaged, it may simply not be the right fit.
2. Their Specialty Doesn't Match Your Needs
Most therapists are generalists to some degree, but many also develop areas of expertise.
For example, a therapist may specialize in trauma, eating disorders, or couples counseling. If you're seeking support for a specific concern and your therapist doesn't have significant experience in that area, another provider may be a better match.
This doesn't mean your therapist is doing anything wrong. It simply means you may benefit from someone whose training and experience align more closely with your goals.
3. You Don't Feel Understood After Multiple Sessions
Therapy doesn't require an instant connection. It often takes time for a therapist to understand your history, personality, and goals.
However, if you've attended several sessions and consistently feel misunderstood, unheard, or unclear about what you're working toward, it's worth paying attention to that feeling.
Sometimes clients can't quite explain what's missing. They may even like their therapist as a person. Yet if they don't feel genuinely understood, the therapeutic relationship may struggle to gain momentum.
4. Scheduling Continues to Be a Challenge
Sometimes practical considerations matter just as much as clinical ones.
If your therapist only has appointments during your work hours, doesn't offer the format you need, or consistently lacks availability that works with your schedule, it can be difficult to maintain a consistent therapy schedule.
Even the best therapeutic relationship won't be effective if you can't reliably attend sessions.
5. Cost or Insurance Changes Make Therapy Unsustainable
Mental health care is an investment, but it also needs to be realistic for your circumstances.
Insurance coverage changes. Deductibles reset. Financial situations shift. Some clients prefer to use insurance, while others prefer self-pay options.
If the financial aspect of therapy is creating significant stress or becoming unsustainable, it may be worth exploring alternative providers, insurance options, or payment structures.
Five Ethical or Professional Concerns That May Warrant Changing Therapists
6. They Frequently Arrive Late or Cancel Sessions
Therapists are human. Occasionally running a few minutes behind or needing to reschedule due to illness or emergencies is normal.
However, if lateness, cancellations, or scheduling disruptions become a pattern, it may indicate a larger professional concern.
Consistency and reliability are important parts of effective therapy.
7. They Seem Distracted, Disengaged, or Unprofessional During Sessions
You deserve your therapist's full attention.
Whether therapy is in-person or virtual, your therapist should be present, focused, and engaged in the conversation.
If they appear distracted, are clearly multitasking, frequently checking their phone, conducting sessions from inappropriate locations, or otherwise seem disengaged, that is a legitimate concern.
Unfortunately, I've heard stories of therapists conducting telehealth sessions while driving, doing household chores, or refusing to turn on their camera despite video sessions being the agreed-upon format. These situations are inappropriate and compromise the quality of care you're receiving. Therapy should take place in a private, professional environment where both parties can focus on the work.
8. They Push Their Personal Values, Politics, or Beliefs Onto You
Therapy should help you explore your own values, not adopt your therapist's.
While therapists inevitably have personal beliefs, they should not be telling you what political views to hold, what religion to practice, how to vote, or what life choices are "correct" based on their personal opinions.
The exception is when both therapist and client have intentionally agreed to work within a specific framework, such as faith-based counseling.
Otherwise, therapy should remain centered on your values and goals.
9. They Violate Confidentiality
Confidentiality is one of the foundations of therapy.
While therapists may occasionally reference other cases in generalized, anonymized ways for educational purposes, they should never casually share identifying information about other clients.
If a therapist appears careless about confidentiality or openly discusses details that could identify another client, it is reasonable to question how your information is being handled as well.
10. Sessions Start Feeling More About the Therapist Than About You
Appropriate self-disclosure can sometimes strengthen therapy.
For example, a therapist may occasionally share a brief personal experience if it directly benefits the client and supports the therapeutic process.
However, therapy should not become a space where the therapist vents, processes their own problems, seeks emotional support, or repeatedly redirects conversations back to themselves.
The focus should remain on you and your goals.
What If Therapy Isn't Working?
One of the most common concerns people have is feeling like therapy isn't helping. Sometimes this means you've found a therapist who isn't the right fit. Other times, something else may be happening.
Ask yourself:
Do I know what my goals are?
Have my goals changed since I started therapy?
Have I communicated my concerns to my therapist?
Am I expecting progress to happen faster than is realistic?
Is therapy feeling uncomfortable because we're discussing difficult topics?
The answers to these questions can help determine whether the issue is the therapist, the therapeutic approach, or simply the challenging nature of personal growth.
Reasons Not to Change Therapists
Sometimes people worry that therapy isn't working when they're actually experiencing a normal part of the therapeutic process. You may not need a new therapist if:
Your Therapist Challenged You
Therapy is not always comfortable. A good therapist may gently challenge long-held beliefs, patterns, or coping strategies that are no longer serving you.
You're Talking About Difficult Topics
Discussing grief, trauma, anxiety, relationship conflicts, or painful memories can temporarily increase emotional discomfort. Feeling emotional during therapy does not automatically mean something is wrong.
Progress Feels Slower Than You'd Like
Meaningful change often takes time. Many of the patterns clients bring to therapy developed over years or even decades.
You Received Feedback You Didn't Want to Hear
Sometimes growth involves hearing perspectives that challenge our assumptions. Feeling defensive or frustrated after a session doesn't necessarily mean your therapist did something wrong.
Before You Leave: Consider Having a Conversation
Not every concern requires immediate ending therapy. If you generally trust your therapist but feel stuck, consider discussing it directly.
You might say:
"I feel like we've been stuck lately."
"I'm not sure what we're working toward anymore."
"I'd like more feedback during sessions."
"I'd like a more structured approach."
"I'm not sure therapy is helping right now."
A strong therapist should be open to these conversations and willing to adjust the treatment plan when appropriate.
Final Thoughts
Changing therapists does not mean therapy failed.
Sometimes a therapist isn't the right fit. Sometimes life circumstances change. Sometimes a therapist's expertise no longer matches your needs. And sometimes there are genuine ethical concerns that shouldn't be ignored.
The goal isn't to find a perfect therapist. The goal is to find a therapeutic relationship in which you feel respected, understood, appropriately challenged, and supported in working toward meaningful change.
If you're consistently questioning whether your therapist is the right fit, trust yourself enough to explore that question. The right therapist won't be offended by your desire to find the care that best meets your needs.
Looking for a Therapist?
If you're considering therapy or wondering whether I'd be a good fit for your needs, I'd be happy to help.
I provide virtual therapy for adults and teens located in Maryland, Virginia, Rhode Island, and Texas.
I currently accept CareFirst BCBS, TRICARE East, and self-pay clients.
Finding the right therapist is an important part of the process. If you're interested in learning more about my approach or exploring whether we're a good fit, feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation.
Frequently Asked Questions About Changing Therapists
Is it okay to change therapists?
Yes. Therapy is a relationship, and not every therapist will be the right fit. Changing therapists does not mean you failed or that therapy doesn't work.
How many sessions should I give a therapist before deciding they're not a good fit?
There is no universal answer, but many people benefit from attending three to five sessions before deciding whether the therapeutic relationship feels productive.
Will my therapist be offended if I switch therapists?
Good therapists understand that fit matters. Ethical therapists want clients to receive the support that best meets their needs, even if that means working with another provider.
What should I do if my therapist is violating ethical boundaries?
If you believe your therapist is acting unethically, you can end services, seek consultation from another professional, and contact their licensing board if appropriate.
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